


Galaxy Of Our Sober Demise

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (So much angst seriously), Angst, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Oral Sex, Pining, Smut, Surfer!Dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 11:40:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6955036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary:</b> Dan's a surfer who never stays and Phil is the fool who falls in love with him</p><p>-</p><p>“I missed you,” he whispers as he pulls back, resting his forehead against Dan’s. He can see the way Dan’s eyelashes are clumped together with salt water, hair wild with curls against his hands and he never wants to leave.</p><p>“I know,” Dan says, smiling as he steps back. He tangles his fingers with Phil’s, brushing a thumb over the curve of Phil’s palm and Phil shivers in response. “I missed this too.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Galaxy Of Our Sober Demise

**Author's Note:**

> hahahah you thought my previous fic was emo and pretentious???? wait until you read this piece of shit why am i like this....
> 
> anyways, this is based on the song [bedless](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7ejc3qn06w) by pierce the veil and if you haven’t listened to it yet do it seriously it’s the best song i’ve heard in a while ch r ist

“Why are you frowning, Phil? It’s summer!”

Phil smiles at Louise, her floral dress skimming the top of her thighs as she gestures excitedly at the tourists around them. Everyone knows he lives for the summer, he has since he was sixteen and met a boy named Dan, but he dreads it, a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

“I know,” he simply says, turning to look at the kids bustling at the beach. It fills him with happiness, seeing them enjoy something this simple, and he wishes he could be like them again. Just take pleasure from something and move on. 

“PJ says he saw  _ him _ leave the airport today.” 

There’s a grim undertone in Louise’s voice and Phil swallows reflexively. He thinks back to last year, to PJ and Louise who helped him and he gets why they don’t like  _ him _ . Phil isn’t even sure if he likes  _ him _ . This year is going to be different, he tells himself.

He closes his fingers around the white fence on the porch, knuckles a sharp contrast against the rest of his hands and he already knows he isn’t going to hold out for long. He’s been thinking of soft smiles and wicked hands way too long, ever since the spring began and he can already feel the pull in his gut telling him to just go  _ look for Dan _ . 

“I don’t care.” The words hurt to say, because he  _ does _ . He cares too much and both him and Louise know it. She doesn’t say anything, just squeezes his shoulder once before turning her  back to him. He can hear the floorboards creak as she walks away and he knows she pities him.

He bites his lip. He isn’t going to look for Dan, he really isn’t. 

 

-

 

The sun's setting, colouring the water pink and orange and Phil can't look away. Dan's leaning on his surfboard, stroking over the wood as he wades deeper, the water gently sloshing over the slope of his spine. He looks beautiful like this, the dying sunlight flitting over the soft curve of his shoulder, illuminating the drops of water dangling from his curls and something in Phil aches for him. 

Before he knows it, he’s stripped off his pants and he tugs off his shirt. He curses as it tangles around his head and throws it onto the sand, running over to the sea until the water laps at his feet. He can see the quiet smile on Dan’s face and for a second he hesitates, afraid to ruin the fragile comfortability Dan’s found. 

Dan turns around then, as Phil stands naked on the beach, and his eyes twinkle as he takes it in. Phil waves awkwardly, heart beating in his chest as the smile slips off Dan’s face minutely, like Dan’s angry to see him - or maybe scared, Phil’s brain supplies - but then the familiar grin is back full force and it’s like Dan never left.

Phil smiles back and runs to him, ignoring the way the sea pushes against him, almost like it’s telling him Dan’s a bad idea. He comes to a stop in front of Dan, taking him in. There are crinkles around his eyes, laugh lines that weren’t there before, and Phil wants to smooth them down with his thumb. He looks older, somehow, even though the freckles still dot over the bridge of his nose and the side of his jaw. 

“Hey,” Dan says, giving Phil a long once-over. He resists the urge to shield himself and just lets Dan drink his fill. He hopes this means Dan’s missed him. 

“Hey,” he replies, voice quiet. The orange light makes Dan’s eyes glow, and it catches against a drop of water on Dan’s bottom lip. His hand come up to cup Dan’s jaw without his permission, his heart beating in his chest - he hadn’t meant to do that, shit - but before he can snatch it back, Dan’s fingers close around his wrist and keep it there. 

Phil swallows and brushes his thumb over the curve of Dan’s jaw, the skin still soft, still smooth. He leans forward, capturing Dan’s lips with his. He tastes of salt and Phil licks inside his mouth, nips at his bottom lip, tangles his fingers in Dan’s hair and Dan lets him. Long fingers flit carefully over his side as Dan takes everything Phil gives him and Phil lets out a small moan, Dan’s lips curling up against his. 

“I missed you,” he whispers as he pulls back, resting his forehead against Dan’s. He can see the way Dan’s eyelashes are clumped together with salt water, hair wild with curls against his hands and he never wants to leave. 

“I know,” Dan says, smiling as he steps back. He tangles his fingers with Phil’s, brushing a thumb over the curve of Phil’s palm and Phil shivers in response. “I missed this too.”

Phil smiles and hopes it doesn’t look fake. He never knows if Dan is talking about the sea or him. 

 

-

 

They walk back to Phil’s house together, silent apart from the rustling of the trees and the sound of crashing waves. Phil almost loses himself when Dan presses their shoulders together, linking their fingers and squeezing Phil’s hand. He’s missed Dan’s simple touches, the way his fingers flit over Phil’s skin like they’re afraid of what happens when they linger. 

“It hasn’t changed a bit around here.” 

It’s something Dan always says when he comes back, an unspoken acknowledgement of everything he loves about the island, including Phil, who’s always there for him, always waiting for him to come back. It lulls him into a false sense of security, makes him think  _ maybe it’ll be different this time _ , but then Dan turns to him with an insincere smile and eyes filled with apologies and it makes Phil feel nauseated because he wants Dan to  _ stay _ . 

Instead of saying any of that, Phil presses him up against the door when they walk inside, devouring Dan’s mouth, and Dan lets him relearn everything. He pushes a knee against Dan’s cock, smiling when Dan groans and grinds against it. 

“Bed,” Dan pants, “Christ, Phil, I hope you haven’t moved anything.” 

Phil scoffs and bites teasingly at Dan’s neck before pushing off him, grabbing Dan’s hand and pulling him towards his bedroom. He hears Dan’s silent gasp when they enter, and he knows why: he hasn’t touched anything, the jacket Dan forgot last year still slung over the back of Phil’s desk chair like he never left. 

Dan’s the first one who enters, and Phil chokes because Dan still looks like he belongs here, right on Phil’s sheets, his eyes half-lidded as he stares at Phil with a grin. 

“Come over here, will you?” 

Phil’s on top of Dan before he knows it, licking his way down Dan’s chest, swirling his tongue around Dan’s nipples and biting teasingly at the skin of Dan’s stomach. He faintly tastes of salt and Dan, and Phil can’t get enough. He follows the thin trail of hair into Dan’s trunks and tugs them down, kissing the head of Dan’s cock before he swallows it down. 

“Shit, Phil,” Dan moans, his head thrown back against the sheets as Phil twirls his tongue around the head of Dan’s cock. “I forgot how fucking good you were at this.” 

He lets Dan press bruises into his shoulders, lets Dan fuck his mouth, lets Dan ruin him again as he chokes, tears streaming down his face. He looks up at Dan from under his eyelashes and sees Dan smile down at him. Dan presses a thumb to Phil’s cheek and Phil moans, the sensation making Dan choke.    


“God, you look so fucking pretty like this,” Dan says, voice rough, thrusting into Phil’s mouth a few more times before he comes.

Phil swallows it all. Dan tastes like the sea and tears and everything Phil despises but can’t help but like. 

Later, when they’re lying in bed, tangled in sheets together and Dan’s fingers trailing down his sides, Phil can’t remember what it was like without Dan. He remembers he should stop before it’s too late, before Dan  _ ruins _ him, but as his shoulder throbs he remembers that it’s too late already.

He buries his face in Dan’s chest and smiles. 

 

-

 

“Oh Phil, what are you doing?” Louise’s voice is soft and filled with worry as she regards Phil. He knows why she’s worried, the pleasant ache of the bite marks on his neck permeating through everything, but he can’t bring himself to care. He knows she’s worried Dan’s ruining him.

Phil just smiles and presses against one of the marks, shivering as the current of  _ pain-pleasure  _ shoots down his spine. Maybe Dan’s ruining him, but the memory of the ring of bruises on Dan’s collarbones that  _ he _ put there makes him calm down, because he gets to ruin Dan in return.

“It’s okay,” he says, trying to soothe Louise by placing a hand on hers. “I know what I’m doing.”

Louise gives him a knowing look. They both know he doesn’t know what he’s doing, that Dan will leave and that Phil will cry until he falls asleep and cry himself awake again, but damn it, he can’t stop. 

“Okay,” she murmurs. “I believe you.” 

He tries to smile at her and pretends that Dan isn’t the reason why everyone’s unhappy.

 

-

 

“Want to watch me surf?” 

It’s a simple question, one Dan already knows the answer to, yet he asks it anyways. Phil nods eagerly, thinking back to the first time he saw Dan surf. The way Dan smiled as he navigated through the waves, an easy grace in his poise, but also intense concentration as he tried not to fall over.

Phil thought he looked beautiful,  _ thinks _ he looks beautiful, even when he’s not surfing. There’s just something about seeing Dan in his element like that that’s hypnotising. He always looks happy surrounded by the water, gliding easily over the smooth surface and it makes Phil wish Dan loved him as much as he loves the ocean. 

“Of course,” he says, but by then Dan’s already on his surfboard, paddling away from the beach. 

He watches in awe as Dan rides wave after wave, body twisting as he moves with the water. Phil lets his eyes rove over Dan’s bare chest and his long legs, and his breath hitches when a spray of water hits Dan’s skin, making it glisten in the lazy afternoon sunlight. Dan’s head is turned, his wet hair sticking to his forehead and face set in intense concentration as he rides on top of a wave. When it crashes, he turns to Phil and grins.

“God,” Phil says, throwing his arms around Dan when he finally emerges from the water. “I forgot how good you look when surfing.” 

Dan smiles and kisses him, lips tasting like salt and Phil licks over them, moaning when Dan opens his mouth. 

“I guess I’ll just have to remind you some more,” Dan whispers against Phil’s lips before he dives back in. 

Phil lets himself be devoured as wave after wave of Dan crash over him. 

 

-

 

The beach is frighteningly empty when Phil shows up. He rests his hands on his knees for a second, trying to catch his breath. He’s late, he knows that, but Louise was holding him up and he really couldn’t come here sooner. He’d been expecting Dan to stand in the sea, ocean gently lapping at his skin as he bobbed up and down on his surfboard, but there’s no one in sight.

It leaves him with a sinking feeling in his stomach and he swallows down the panic as he runs off to find PJ, who works for the company that manages the rent-out houses.

“Do you know where Dan is staying?” he pants as he reaches the desk, and PJ frowns at him. He knows they dislike Dan, but he just - he  _ needs  _ to know. 

“Cabin 231,” PJ says, handing him a key. Phil eagerly grabs it, he needs to go find Dan  _ right now _ , but PJ pulls his hand back an inch, holding the key just out of Phil’s reach. “Just- be careful, okay?”

“I will,” Phil promises, but they both know it’s an empty one. Phil has never been careful where Dan’s concerned. 

As he runs to Dan’s cabin, PJ’s words of advice are already gone. He just needs to see Dan, needs to make sure he hasn’t left yet. He isn’t sure if he’d survive it again, when Dan leaves, even though it’s going to happen because Phil will always be second choice, a plan B.

The palm trees become sparser the further he runs, and he knows he’s getting close to the cave he and Dan discovered a few years ago. He wonders if that’s why Dan chose this cabin, because it reminds him of Phil, but Phil bites his lip and forces himself to stay realistic. He probably chose the cabin for its view of the sea.

His hands tremble when he shoves the key into the lock and it jams for a second, Phil’s heart beating in his ears when he thinks he has the wrong key, but it clicks open smoothly. Phil rushes in, spreading sand everywhere, but he really couldn’t care less. He  _ needs _ to see Dan. 

He finds Dan in the shower, clothes on and soaking wet, sticking to his skin like they belong there. 

“What the fuck are you doing to me!” Dan shouts when he sees Phil, tears streaming down his face and Phil can’t help but smile, a sick sense of satisfaction bubbling up inside of him, because he’s ruining Dan too. 

“It’s okay,” he whispers soothingly as he pulls Dan out of the shower and gathers whatever’s left in his arms. “It’s okay, I’m here.” 

He presses a kiss to Dan’s curls, and Dan’s arms clench around him. Phil smiles: he never wants to let Dan go. He pulls Dan tighter against him until he can’t breathe, can’t think about anything except Dan and how much he loves him. 

 

-

 

“You two need to stop.”

It’s a statement that’d been a long time coming, and Phil understands why. He wants to stop too, wants to stop himself from chasing after someone who will never love him, but he  _ can’t _ . He nods in agreement anyways.

PJ gives him a half-smile, his eyes sympathetic as he watches Phil wring his hands together. He’d like to explain why he can’t stop, but he doesn’t even know why. He just knows that the thought of Dan gets his heart beating faster and his mind reeling and it makes it impossible to focus on anything else.

“Phil, please,” PJ says, as he reaches over the table to stop Phil from fidgeting. “Talk to him about it?”

“I will,” Phil mumbles, his voice shaking like his hands as the nauseous feeling in his gut intensifies. He doesn’t want to ask Dan, because he knows what the answer will be. Dan will always love something else more than he loves Phil, and it’s going to destroy them both. 

Phil takes a deep breath, planting both his feet on the floor in an effort to ground himself. He nods as he looks PJ in the eyes, because this needs to  _ stop _ . 

“I will, I promise”

 

-

 

“Why don’t you ever stay?” 

It’s the wrong question to ask, but one that should be asked. They’ve been tiptoeing around this for too long and Phil’s chest hurts with every breath he takes because he wants Dan to stay and never leave. 

The hands that were absentmindedly trailing over his sides still as Dan freezes under him. He presses his fingertips harder into Dan’s chest, demanding an answer because Phil loves him. Phil loves him and all Dan does is walk away and leave. 

Dan pushes up suddenly, running his hands over his face, refusing to look at Phil. Phil props himself up on his elbow, the sheets pooling in his lap and he watches as Dan stands up and puts on his boxers, his shorts, his shirt, with mechanical precision, like Phil didn’t just ask him a question. 

“Dan, why don’t you just stay here on the island?” It’s soft, so soft he doesn’t even know if Dan will hear it but Dan suddenly turns around and walks away.

“You can’t just expect me to choose, damn it!” Dan shouts as he stalks away, hands in his hair like he’s trying to pull it out and Phil wants him to stop. “I have a fucking life out there! You can’t expect me to choose you!” 

It hurts, hearing those words, like a bullet to his chest and his heart throbs painfully with every beat. He knows Dan would never choose him. He just wanted him to. 

“I-” Phil starts, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “I think you should leave.” 

Dan turns around then, eyes big and crazed as he runs over to Phil. He can see Dan’s chest is heaving, can see the unshed tears in his eyes but he doesn’t fucking care because Dan will  _ never _ choose him. The corners of his eyes sting with tears and he wipes them away.

“Phil,” Dan begs, his hands coming to rest on Phil’s shoulders and Phil curses himself for leaning into the touch. “Phil, you can’t do this. I love you.” 

Dan kisses him then, presses him against the mattress and Phil bites his lip until he can taste the metallic tang of blood on his tongue. He tugs on Dan’s hair, forcing Dan to arch his neck and he rips away from Dan’s mouth, pressing bites and marks into the skin of Dan’s neck where he still tastes of salt. 

“Go,” he whispers against the skin when he realises he’s crying. “Go!”

Dan just nods and presses a last kiss to Phil’s forehead before he pulls back and walks out the door without as much as a goodbye. Phil watches him go. He thinks Louise would be proud of him, probably, but all he can think about is the hollow feeling in his chest that leaves him sobbing on the sheets.

PJ and Louise find him like that, three hours later, tear streaks on his face. PJ smiles sadly at him and walks to the store to buy ice cream and Louise pats his hair, telling him how sorry she is and how they’re going to be okay. Phil sobs as she kisses his forehead in an unknowing parody of what Dan did and he curls in on himself.

Dan left and he’s never coming back. It’s not going to be okay.

 

-

 

Phil stays inside. Before summer came, and before this all started again, he’d told himself he wouldn’t do that. He’d told himself that this would be the last time, a goodbye, and then he’d be over Dan.

He’d forgotten how addicting it was to have Dan around, the way Dan got under his skin and didn’t leave, and now he was paying the price. He wanted to apologise, wanted to do beg Dan to  _ please come back _ , but Louise had deleted Dan’s number from his cell, like she knew what he wanted to do. 

She probably did, last year a burning reminder in all of their heads of what went wrong, of how Phil had screamed at them to get out, how he’d spent ages at that beach like that would bring Dan back, but all it did was dig a hole in his chest every time another wave crashed down without Dan on top of it.

Louise takes him out for coffee sometimes, and they sit together in an awkward silence, Phil’s eyes watering when Louise reaches out for him because he doesn’t deserve it, he chased Dan away, this is all his fault damn it. She hugs him and tells him it’s not, tells him Dan’s an asshole and Phil doesn’t know why she keeps lying. 

All he wants is for Dan to come back for  _ him _ , and stay this time. 

-

Dan’s standing on his porch, hair flying around his head in wild curls and wearing shorts, a surfboard under his arm like everything’s how it should be. He grins at Phil and shoves a hand in his pocket and Phil wants to scream at him, wants to tell Dan how much he’s missed him and how much he hates him and how much he wants to kiss him, but he can only stare. 

“I’m back,” Dan says simply, like that explains anything. 

“I can see that,” Phil bites out, leaning against the doorpost. He doesn’t know why Dan’s back, and he doesn’t care, but he’s torn between asking Dan to leave and begging him to stay. He closes the door instead. “You can leave now.” 

The door blocks when it’s almost close and he can see Dan’s ankle sticking between it. He’s tempted to dig his heel into Dan’s toes, just for the hell of it, but seeing this, seeing Dan stopping him  _ again _ , just makes something bubble in his chest and before he knows it, he’s throwing the door back open. 

“You think you can just show up after you left like that?! You think you can come back and ruin me again?! Come back and leave?! Well you’re fucking wrong, we’re done, Dan. I’m done.”

He tries to slam the door again, ignoring the tears that are streaming down his face, when Dan grabs his face between palms. He tries to struggle away, claws at Dan’s arms, but Dan won’t let go and just wipes away the tears and shushes him, pulls him into a hug and Phil  _ hates _ him. He hates him so much, but he can’t help but hug back, melting into Dan’s arms like he fucking belongs there. 

“It’s okay,” Dan shushes. “It’s okay, I’m here, and I’m never leaving again.”

**Author's Note:**

> welp this certainly was a journey..... i actually made 2 of my irl friends read this (minus the smut of course) and their faces got so sad towards the end i actually laughed oops...
> 
> i hope you liked it though! please tell me what your thoughts are on this?
> 
>  
> 
> [come hang out w me on tumblr!](http://demisexualhowell.tumblr.com)


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